Before when i got that feeling, that it was the "beginning of the end" i would abandon all hope and just wait for the relationship to end. I was half expecting to do that with Sam. but something made me tell him, something made me talk to him to tell him that i was feeling kinda strange about our relationship. We fought about it, out of fear, for a night and then it was right back to having the amazing relationship we had before. Perfect. I'm going to make a better effort to tell him when things are bothering me.

The Beginning of the End

We have nothing left to say to each other. Even our text messages are awkward. Our "i love you's " are empty, our fights are stupid, some days it feels like he's not even trying anymore, and some days i wounder why i even bother trying....

Mr. Right (Now?)

Yet again i'm swept off my feet by a wave of romance portrayed as love, and yet again i'm forced to think about if its truly what i want. I have decided to give up my search for a fairly tale love, seeing as though it doesn't nor ever well exist, but now i'm forced to try and figure out a way to know if i am truly in love with Sam the way I've convinced myself. Before today there was no doubt in my mind that we were, and i'm not entirely sure why i doubt that now. At the age of 17 i guess it's something i shouldn't have to worry about, but being the way i am, i do. My family has a strange way of finding their true loves young. My grand parents met at the age of fifteen and got married as soon as they turned eighteen, my aunt and uncle were high school sweethearts that also got married as soon as they could. My mother wasn't so lucky, though she met my father and got married the second the law allowed, he wasn't her true love, she did try again, she found someone new before the divorce was final, and then again after that.... so it seems that you either find your true love young or you don't find him... I was never too worried about that to tell you the truth, but every time i got a new boyfriend, my family would treat it as if they thought it would last forever. even now with Sam, talk of someday getting married is a common topic of conversation with my family, but later when laughing about it with Sam, i felt uneasy about the words that followed. We both made it clear that we loved each other very much but at this time we did not want to think of marriage. Which was fine with me. He went on to say that he didn't want to get married at all, that he just wanted to date for ten years and have a common law marriage, this is what got me thinking. I told him that someday i would like to be married but it wasn't too high up on my list. As the conversation went on he revealed something else that made me a little uneasy. His idea of what to do about cheating. He said if someone in the relationship cheats then all that needed to be done to fix it was the other person gets a free pass to cheat. I do not agree with this, i believe that cheating is a bigger deal then that, its betraying the other persons trust and just "evening the score" will not repair that. I guess tonight just opened my eyes to the fact that this is not a forever thing, although i never thought it as something that would last forever i never thought about it as something that wouldn't. but today i see our ideas and thoughts about relationships are different, and though its not a problem right now, i fear someday it will be. So where do i go from here? On one hand i'm knowingly continuing a relationship i know will fail, on the other i'm 17 and i'm allowed to just date for the fun and experience of it all. Any Advice??

Hell explained

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :


Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Love, Lust or Desperation

So the past two days I've been giving a lot of thought about the concept of love, and whether or not it truly exists. i know that love as an emotion exists, but i'm wondering about the fairy tale, happily ever after, love I've always dreamed about. I'm talking about the kind of love where the butterflies never go away, where even after years and years of being together you can still look at the person like you've never seen him before in your life, where every kiss still takes your breath away. I feel like i need to know. If there is a love like that out there, i want to know, or is love just finding someone you don't mind spending the rest of your life with, and you should just expect the spark to go away..... any advice on the matter???

Getting it Together

This lost feeling I've been having is withering away. I've been keeping myself busy. working on getting a band together. I've managed to get everyone i need for a band and a name. My best friend Kyle has agreed to Sing with me and he's about as excited about the process as i am. The two of us have been talking back and forth about ideas and song lyrics and such. this Friday will be our first practice. i can't tell you how excited i am to be involved in music again.

Last night Sam and i had a huge fight. It was the first real fight we've ever had. It was very confusing too. we were laughing having a good time, until my roommates got home. I don't know why, but whenever they come home i get quiet, not sad, not upset, just quiet. for some reason that sparked it all. Suddenly Sam was acting weird, like he was angry, but he wouldn't talk about it, he'd just snap at me. after a while i just got upset. i chose to leave him alone for a while, to let him work through whatever, after an hour i went to talk to him and he was still snapping at me,and then we just sat there in silence, i couldn't take it so i just ran inside and let myself get upset for a minute until he chased after me. when i realized the whole thing was about nothing at all i got angry. i walked him outside, sat him down. I could tell he was still upset almost mad, but i didn't care he needed to hear what i had to say. I told him that i was not going to go through this every time he was a little stressed out, i told him that i have had to escape from three different relationships where the man had walked all over me, and i was NOT going to do that again, and if thats how the relationship was going to be, he needed to tell me now so i can end it. I think this opened his eyes a little, he started to cry, and told me he was sorry, that he loved me and he was scared to death of losing me. we calmed down a bit, and he opened his heart up to me, we talked some more, and then when we were calm enough, we went inside and enjoyed the rest of our night together.