Guilty Pleasures

I had, at one time seen him everyday of my life since we met, and still my heart pounded with every step i took that got me closer to him. I knocked on the door, and he answered mid knock, we hugged exchanged greetings, how are yous and such and then moved to the couch. I reached in my bag and pulled out his birthday present. he had been learning piano since i last saw him, so i got him a song book of old Beatles songs, i wasn't sure at first if it was something he would like but as it turns out he loved it.
we spent the rest of the night watching the basket ball game, making jokes and bets on how the game was going to end. every so often i'd just look up at him, he'd look at me we'd both smile, we knew we should look away but our gazes were stuck, and our smiles were glued to our faces even after we got the strength to look away. we started the night on opposite sides of the couch and slowly inched closer together i'd put my hand down by the side of my leg and he would do the same so our hands would just touch, which made me smile again. this happened a lot throughout the night, and suddenly it was close to ten o'clock. i stood up and he hugged me. this hug was different then anyone he'd ever given me before, it was tighter but still gentle our breaths were in sync and it was hard to let go. we walked to the door and just as i was about to walk out he turned me around and hugged me again. smiling and a little dizzy, i left happier then i ever remember being since 8th grade graduation when we left for different high schools. i'm seeing him again on Saturday :)

One Letter 6 Years in the making

I love you.

you'd think this would say it all, you'd think it'd be that easy that simple but for some reason every time i got close to telling you i choked. Although i was 98% sure that you felt the same way, that two percent was just too big a risk, that two percent chance that you just might not feel the same way, would kill me.

We met during the worst time in my life, i was going through death, love, rape, physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse, lies, truths, and you were there through all of it. you never knew what was going on but everyday you made me feel better even when you didn't know i was upset. When i was with you, thats all there was in the world. Me and you. You made me laugh, you made me smile, and even when you made me madder then i could remember, you could always make me forget it in a second just by smiling.

i saw you everyday, we talked everyday, we laughed everyday, and we said goodbye everyday, for three years. then one day.........you were gone. suddenly my world was darker. And i worked from then on out trying to get back that light in my life. and though you inspired me to get this far, to make my life better, it could never be as bright as it was when you were in it.

I know i've waited too long to get this all out there. We've both moved on to other people. you have her, and i see how much you love her and even though it should kill me inside, i'm happy for you. because your happy, and thats all i could ever ask of you, because i truly do love you, and i know thats never going to stop. Six years of endless friendship is proof to that.

<3

writing topic #1

So my recent writers block has sent me into a swirl of frustration, so as i recently found out i find it amazingly easy to write when provided a topic, so i'm going to find a topic every night (i hope ha ha) to hopefully break my block.

Todays Topic: Why I love To Sing

Growing up I was forced to keep a lot of secrets, my step father was abusive physicality, verbally, and Sexually. I kept this all a secret while going through middle school, it hurt a lot of relationships that was just beginning, and i was hurting myself both mentally and much to my dismay physically as well. i started singing as a way to release stress, and stay away from home as much as possible, but as i later found out, it is a great way to tell my dark secrets without actually having people know. You can't hide even your darkest secrets and fears from your music, its the truest form of yourself. its my singing that saved my life, it saved me from myself and from my step father at the same time, and has continued to help me grow as a person, and friend, a lover, a sister, and a daughter. and to that i owe my life to my music.