Guilty Pleasures

I had, at one time seen him everyday of my life since we met, and still my heart pounded with every step i took that got me closer to him. I knocked on the door, and he answered mid knock, we hugged exchanged greetings, how are yous and such and then moved to the couch. I reached in my bag and pulled out his birthday present. he had been learning piano since i last saw him, so i got him a song book of old Beatles songs, i wasn't sure at first if it was something he would like but as it turns out he loved it.
we spent the rest of the night watching the basket ball game, making jokes and bets on how the game was going to end. every so often i'd just look up at him, he'd look at me we'd both smile, we knew we should look away but our gazes were stuck, and our smiles were glued to our faces even after we got the strength to look away. we started the night on opposite sides of the couch and slowly inched closer together i'd put my hand down by the side of my leg and he would do the same so our hands would just touch, which made me smile again. this happened a lot throughout the night, and suddenly it was close to ten o'clock. i stood up and he hugged me. this hug was different then anyone he'd ever given me before, it was tighter but still gentle our breaths were in sync and it was hard to let go. we walked to the door and just as i was about to walk out he turned me around and hugged me again. smiling and a little dizzy, i left happier then i ever remember being since 8th grade graduation when we left for different high schools. i'm seeing him again on Saturday :)

One Letter 6 Years in the making

I love you.

you'd think this would say it all, you'd think it'd be that easy that simple but for some reason every time i got close to telling you i choked. Although i was 98% sure that you felt the same way, that two percent was just too big a risk, that two percent chance that you just might not feel the same way, would kill me.

We met during the worst time in my life, i was going through death, love, rape, physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse, lies, truths, and you were there through all of it. you never knew what was going on but everyday you made me feel better even when you didn't know i was upset. When i was with you, thats all there was in the world. Me and you. You made me laugh, you made me smile, and even when you made me madder then i could remember, you could always make me forget it in a second just by smiling.

i saw you everyday, we talked everyday, we laughed everyday, and we said goodbye everyday, for three years. then one day.........you were gone. suddenly my world was darker. And i worked from then on out trying to get back that light in my life. and though you inspired me to get this far, to make my life better, it could never be as bright as it was when you were in it.

I know i've waited too long to get this all out there. We've both moved on to other people. you have her, and i see how much you love her and even though it should kill me inside, i'm happy for you. because your happy, and thats all i could ever ask of you, because i truly do love you, and i know thats never going to stop. Six years of endless friendship is proof to that.

<3

writing topic #1

So my recent writers block has sent me into a swirl of frustration, so as i recently found out i find it amazingly easy to write when provided a topic, so i'm going to find a topic every night (i hope ha ha) to hopefully break my block.

Todays Topic: Why I love To Sing

Growing up I was forced to keep a lot of secrets, my step father was abusive physicality, verbally, and Sexually. I kept this all a secret while going through middle school, it hurt a lot of relationships that was just beginning, and i was hurting myself both mentally and much to my dismay physically as well. i started singing as a way to release stress, and stay away from home as much as possible, but as i later found out, it is a great way to tell my dark secrets without actually having people know. You can't hide even your darkest secrets and fears from your music, its the truest form of yourself. its my singing that saved my life, it saved me from myself and from my step father at the same time, and has continued to help me grow as a person, and friend, a lover, a sister, and a daughter. and to that i owe my life to my music.

Before when i got that feeling, that it was the "beginning of the end" i would abandon all hope and just wait for the relationship to end. I was half expecting to do that with Sam. but something made me tell him, something made me talk to him to tell him that i was feeling kinda strange about our relationship. We fought about it, out of fear, for a night and then it was right back to having the amazing relationship we had before. Perfect. I'm going to make a better effort to tell him when things are bothering me.

The Beginning of the End

We have nothing left to say to each other. Even our text messages are awkward. Our "i love you's " are empty, our fights are stupid, some days it feels like he's not even trying anymore, and some days i wounder why i even bother trying....

Mr. Right (Now?)

Yet again i'm swept off my feet by a wave of romance portrayed as love, and yet again i'm forced to think about if its truly what i want. I have decided to give up my search for a fairly tale love, seeing as though it doesn't nor ever well exist, but now i'm forced to try and figure out a way to know if i am truly in love with Sam the way I've convinced myself. Before today there was no doubt in my mind that we were, and i'm not entirely sure why i doubt that now. At the age of 17 i guess it's something i shouldn't have to worry about, but being the way i am, i do. My family has a strange way of finding their true loves young. My grand parents met at the age of fifteen and got married as soon as they turned eighteen, my aunt and uncle were high school sweethearts that also got married as soon as they could. My mother wasn't so lucky, though she met my father and got married the second the law allowed, he wasn't her true love, she did try again, she found someone new before the divorce was final, and then again after that.... so it seems that you either find your true love young or you don't find him... I was never too worried about that to tell you the truth, but every time i got a new boyfriend, my family would treat it as if they thought it would last forever. even now with Sam, talk of someday getting married is a common topic of conversation with my family, but later when laughing about it with Sam, i felt uneasy about the words that followed. We both made it clear that we loved each other very much but at this time we did not want to think of marriage. Which was fine with me. He went on to say that he didn't want to get married at all, that he just wanted to date for ten years and have a common law marriage, this is what got me thinking. I told him that someday i would like to be married but it wasn't too high up on my list. As the conversation went on he revealed something else that made me a little uneasy. His idea of what to do about cheating. He said if someone in the relationship cheats then all that needed to be done to fix it was the other person gets a free pass to cheat. I do not agree with this, i believe that cheating is a bigger deal then that, its betraying the other persons trust and just "evening the score" will not repair that. I guess tonight just opened my eyes to the fact that this is not a forever thing, although i never thought it as something that would last forever i never thought about it as something that wouldn't. but today i see our ideas and thoughts about relationships are different, and though its not a problem right now, i fear someday it will be. So where do i go from here? On one hand i'm knowingly continuing a relationship i know will fail, on the other i'm 17 and i'm allowed to just date for the fun and experience of it all. Any Advice??

Hell explained

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :


Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.